Complicated Feeling

It’s been a week I didn’t enter a new n3… Today, I wanna ryte again but sorry if I used junk English (not proper spelling and grammar). Yesterday, I just finish my Objective Subjective Clinical Exam for Obstetrics and Gynaecology (O&G) or known as OSCE - though there is not a single objective question….huhuhu. Da day before, I got da theory for O&G n my first exam was Surgery theory paper. Well, it’s not 100% theory because it question based on da clinical situation n some clinical practices that we performed during da posting. There’s no wrong about da exam question coz we’re in our clinical yr. So, da question should b related n asked in a clinical situation we had been faced at ward or clinic or endoscopy room. It’s really helpful for those who really spending their time in hospital everyday during da posting.

About the exam….how should I say??? It’s not difficult. Yet, I still can’t answer it n it looks difficult to me…hurmm, may b I’m not well prepared. But questions r straight to da point n still I’m confuse. Shamed on me. And most depressing to me was yesterday OSCE…my examiner for clinical n history taking exam was among da most feared examiner… I realized da mistakes I’ve done, but…I hoped they didn’t failed me and I bet, nobody wanna fail in their exams, ryte? It just a simple clinical exam, yet I didn’t manage to do it well. Sometime, there’s a thought that cross my mind “The doctor can failed u coz you didn’t it well”. But then, I yelled out from my heart, “No…no… I don’t wanna fail”. Then comes the ‘naughty’ thought again “You deserved to fail n da doctor wasn’t wrong to fail u. U didn’t study enough, that’s y u deserve to failed”. And that’s make me depressed n sad n…hurgh, I don’t know how to describe it, but it just that I felt uncomfortable deep inside my heart.

At times like this I really hoped for His blessing, His forgiveness n His Graciousness. That’s the time I would hardly pray to him, “O’ Allah, please don’t make me fail. Please grant me Your bless n lend me Your Victory. O’ Allah, the creator of all the living things in the land and the skies above, forgive me for what have I done. Bless me, give me Your guidance n always keep me in Your path, in Islam with the ‘Iman’ in my heart, O’ Allah”. At the time these, I really felt small and guilt in front of Allah. How He always blesses me with all I have in my life today. Yet, still I’m not truly following all His commands. And still I’m asked Him to grant me more n more wishes. Oh, how ungrateful I’m. “O’ Allah, please blemish my heart from the fault I’ve done before. Only You could give the forgiveness and peace to the heart of Your lovers. And Allah, please grant all my Doa, my mom’s Doa, my dad’s Doa and not forget, my friends and teachers’ Doa”. And to myself, there something I should do n change to be better person. May b it’s not hard to change…some people think does, but there’s a few things that restrain me from change. Time over time, I’ll change to b better person. That’s my promised to myself. (^_^)

~~didn't manage to upload it earlier b4 da OSCE O&G post-mortem

10sen Times...

It’s study week now…but still, I’m wasting my time doing this…hahaha. No, no… I’m not wasting my time. I just take a few minutes to relax and release the 10sen, am I? J Study week is one of the most tension moments in my life…but, I kind of loving it. As this is the moment where I struggle, stop playing around and being a book worm. It’s not a good attitude and I knew it. I’m not a person who loves to study last minutes. But it seems that I’m study a lot during this time. May be pressure, tension is good for me. Don’t be wrong, ok? Only certain type of tension is good to me. You better don’t make me tension cause you’ll never know what I’ll do if I got tension by you. And most importantly, don’t add the tension I had and don’t make anything wrong because I’m very unstable emotionally when in stress. I’m easily hurt. I don’t care what you want to think about me…but it’s me. If you have something to say, just say it clearly so that other people, especially me, will understand. Don’t be like Shakespeare or other poets...make it clearly. I’m not good in poetry and I kind of hate it. So please, don’t make me in wondering again.

Opsss…I just write something that doesn’t suits the title. Anyway, it’s time continue reading because the final is just around the corner…

One of the Song I Love

Muslim for Life

Soldiers of Allah

Now…
If we don't change society
Then we are part of the cause
on the Day of Judgment
We are going to stand
in front of Allah
There will be no excuses
For being useless

Without Islam in our lives
Our lives are fruitless
Leaving behind
all things
taking nothing
but our deeds
On the last day it will be
too late to repent
We will be accountable

For every minute &
cent that we spent
Islamically intact
My brothers got my back
Shaitan can't attack
because were always in a pack

[chorus]
M-U-S-L-I-M
MUSLIM 4 LIFE
& WE WILL NEVER GIVE IN
WE STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT
AGAINST THOSE WHO OPPRESS
WE TAKE ISLAM &
WE TAKE NO LESS

Prophet showed us
how to be a statesman
a father, a leader
Amir of jihad
a husband, a judge
and a friend

A messenger
that Allah has send
that’s the example
that we content
He cultured
The Sahabas personalities
Built Islamic mentalities
gave them the bigger scope

to spread Islam
All over the globe
they say your too young
to change this world
to young to understand
Look at Ali (RA)
At 8 he was mature
like a man
Carrying this
message of Islam

Khalid Ibn-Waleed
Conquering land
Liberating kufar
to Islam
Abu Bakar
politically sharp
was side by side
with the Prophet
from the start

We are the youth
Let us Bring Islam Back
We did it in the past
So let us do it again

[chorus]

Carrying Islam
is like carrying a hot coal
pure pressure surrounds us
but we won’t fold
when time become tough
remember Jannah

It was difficult
even for the Sahabas
No success
without struggle
Keep our best friends Muslim
So we're always out of trouble
checking our ideas
the way we think

Based on Islam
Because Islam is our Deen
Bonded by our ideas
Islamically connected
Days of Jahillah
Alhamdulillah we left it
Islamic as a yardstick
That we measure
Only for Allah
And to gain HIS pleasure

[chorus]

Much props to my sisters
Carrying this Deen
& to my brothers
With the same mean
We will never idolize
It’s no surprise
The youth realize
Jannah is the only prize

Standing together
Kafirs worst nightmare
Muslim united
And not scared
Following only Qur'an
& and the Sunnah
an Ummah
who loves Allah
More than this dunnyah

[chorus]

Horreyyyyyyy...

Alhamdulillah….Finally, I have finish my long case although it was postponed several times today. We were luckily; Mr. Zamrin was generous enough to spend his time for assessing us today. Urmmm, I don’t have much comment on my presentation but seems that Mr. Zamrin is very concern about history taking. I just present history of presenting illness and we discuss the differential diagnosis of the patient present with melaenic stool especially in elderly male. He asked what must have in my history to exclude the causes of the melaenic stool. Overall, I think I perform quite well but I wonder how much mark that I got? Syidan present about breast cancer. Same as me, Mr. Zamrin wants to know more about history of presenting illness and possible causes of breast cancer especially about obstetric and gynaecological, in term of oestrogen exposure. He even stress to Syidan to stage the patient by history taking. He asked anatomy of bone. Lastly is about staging of breast cancer whether using Manchester or TNM staging. But for our level, he told us to concentrate on TNM staging.

Whatever happen or how much marks that I get, i don’t really border right now. I’m happy because I have finished my long case. And now, I want to concentrate on my second case write up. (^_^)

Long Case...Case Write Up...Final Exam...

After a day of gloom and sadness, now it’s a time for me to be energetic and fill with high spirit again. My long case with Mr. Zamrin will be next day. My long case patient for the cancelled long case had been discharge. So, I must find new patient for my long case. Ermmm, what case I want to present as my long case??? I don’t want a complicated one neither a very simple one. I want a just nice case with simple presenting illness that can have various differential diagnoses. I don’t want case about breast or thyroid...because, for sure it is problem about breast and thyroid. Hepatobiliary or GIT case would be nice. It’s not a specific to an organ. Thus, I can have more discussion. I hope there will be interesting case at the ward tomorrow and that patient would not be discharge tomorrow.

I’m in dilemma for continuing my second case write. I just know that my friend who is also under Mr. Zamrin supervision write about the same case as I, the same patient. Will Mr. Zamrin allow we do the same case? It should be ok right because our discussion would be difference. But the rumours, ‘doctor doesn’t want the same case and doesn’t want case write up about acute case’…that makes me thinks again of continuing my writing. But then, I must find another case tomorrow as by the end of this week I must pass up the case write up. So tomorrow, I must find 2 cases, one for long case and 1 for my second case write up.

Lastly, the most important upcoming event is Final Exam. Am I ready for it??? Of course I’m not ready yet at this moment of time. But I will be ready for it...InsyaAllah. I got 2 more weeks to revise the O&G posting and Surgery posting. It should be enough. Hope the Almighty will make my daily life and learning easier. I want to be in fourth year next semester with all my friends. So friends…Lets do our best together and always pray for our success in every prayer and ‘doa’ we did.

NEWS NIPPON
By NewS

To north! To east! Go west ! Go south!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, it’s big news!

Fly away! Far away! Spread your wings
Go ahead! Do your best! Grab the rainbow
Raise your hand to the sky and spread your fingers
In a peace sign, make dazzling news!

When you’re sad just remember
Everyone has the sun in their heart
Don’t be sad alone
A gentle light is watching over you
You’re not alone, I’m right nearby
Cheer up, have courage, and start running

Fly away! Far away! Look up to the sky
Go ahead! Do your best! And wish on a star
Feel the strength to live in your heart
Peace sign, tell the world the news!

News!
Make a miracle! Start moving with your dreams
News!
Love and courage! Face the world and tell them
We can do it!

Fly away! Far away! Spread your wings
Go ahead! Do your best! Grab the rainbow
Raise your hand to the sky and spread your fingers
In a peace sign, aim for victory

Raise your hand to the sky and spread your fingers
In a peace sign, make dazzling news!

I won’t let anyone beat me
With courage in my heart, I’ll send you the news

News - Nippon - News

Introduction

Ermmm...I don't know what to write for this time. I wanna make my own blog, but not at this moment actually. Then, because of the emotional and pressure about cancelled long case yesterday, I had wasted my time making this.

Okey…I’ll just write what comes to my mind…

First of all, I want to formally introduce myself. My name is Nurul Liyana or better known as Yana among my friends. I’m a daughter of a loving spouse, Osman and Noraini. They always support me and they made me become who I am today. I’m a sister to 4 little brothers and 3 little sisters. They are my life. They made the house happening but sometimes made me angry with their naughtiness.

I am a student of National University of Malaysia. Opsss, a student should be studying and not doing this thing, right? But, never mind. It took me away from my problems a while. May be this can be my place to throw out all the tension, sadness, hates feelings and sharing my happiness or it can be places where I can share my opinions or some knowledge that I have. I wonder how long would this blog survives…hehehe

I think that enough for this time. Don’t hesitate to visit my blog or give comment to my post.