OPKIM @ Felda Ulu Tebrau, Johor

It's been quite a long time since my last entry...I'm really stress during last posting...Todays entry, I wanna talk about OPKIM which I had join during the mid-term break last week. PERSIAP was invited to join the OPKIM held by FSKB student. Total of 12 medical students including me had volunteer to join it. We went there for 4 days 3 nights, from 20-23 Nov. This OPKIM really gives me the most happier memory with foster family as the are more time with them and not only just to sleep. Furthemore, this family was very happy to receive foster children. They weren't busy like my previous foster family in Melaka and Kelantan, where both of them are busy and I has less contact with them and doesn't knew them much. But this time, I'm having a really really great foster family. Besides that, I also get to knew the siblings of my foster family. They really welcoming us.

About the activities...hurm, actually i didn't involve in other activities besides the medical consultation..hehe. Therefore, I can't comment on those activities. But he health promotion activities was really great will all the other department. But, when i told the patient to ask the pharmacist student about their medication, the pharmacist student told that they didn't learn about drug because they only year 1 and 2 student. I'm a bit dissapointing. But, it's not their fault. We all still learning. But, i hope for comprehensive management even for health promotion like this, each participants knew must about what they are suppose to tell the patient. Hope to be involve in OPKIM again...

Comparing...

Hurmmm...how should I put it into words. There's many things that disturbing me lately. Thus make me infected and fall sick easily.
It's quite stressing. This not the stress I like.
Arghhhh...how should I say it.

I'm not the person that open up my heart and lets people knew but my feeling.
So, I really really need you people being more understanding and sensitive to my feeling.

I can't faced the people that makes me sad...but don't worry. It just for that moment I'm sad.
Some people I can't stand to be

argued
or

questioned.

Sorry, if I just keep quiet at that time. I'm really selfish.
I don't want to be sad and makes myself cry.
However, I'll may be explain it later.

One more thing...stop comparing me with other people.
Am I not good enough just being myself?
This is what I'm used, comfortable and loved to be.

Don't tell me you want me to be like this people, that people...I hate it.
Just accept what I'm now. If you hate my true self,
just bear with it or just ignore me.
I didn't hope everyone will comfortable with me and be my friends.

The more closer to me, the more you'll know my true feeling coz
it's just a normal thing you didn't share to much to stranger, right?
I'm not easily touched or angry, unless with the people I closed and loved.

You told me I need to changed...Why? Ok, it's for my own good.
Then don't be to pushy. I'm can't easily changed myself...
and please....don't you ever wish me to be like other person.
If, you like people like that, then go for it.

I'm for who I'm. I knew myself.
I'm not good, kind or islamic enough but I'm just being myself.

Please be understand that people are different.
If you think I'm not suitable to be your friend, then...
It's up to you to stay or to say

to me...
Even it's hurt...I need endure it...
I'll be strong for myself coz I need to take cafe of myself.

Ulangtahun Kelahiranku ke-22

Birthday, Bestday, Bufday...hari lahir la tue...tahun ini aku sambut ulangtahun kelahiran ku bukan dalam bulan Ramadhan. Dah 3 tahun sambut dalam bulan Ramadhan tahun ini sambut time raya....tapi still tak dapat nak celebrate dengan keluarga sebab family aku kan dah balik Terengganu raya ke-4 hari tue. Sedih jugak la sambut birthday tahun ini. Dah la jauh dari family...kengkawan pun xde...family yg kat sekeliling tak tahu birthday aku hari tue. Orang yang aku sayang boleh terlupa pulak...Ayah memang lupe la bestday kitaorang klu kitaorang tak set dalam dia punye reminder kat hp. Tahun ni mesti aku lupe set kan untuk semua...tapi, klu aku tak set kan, aku biasanya akan call Ummi aku bgtau esok bestday sape2...Ummi pun tahun ini terlupe kot...Tapi nasib baik ada pengantara lagi...wish dan doa kengkawan dari jauh sangat2 aku hargai dan menggembirakan...sayangnyer aku kat mereka semua...Oh, bru teringat, mesti Ummi terlupe sebab hari bestday aku tue Ayah & Ummi pergi hantar adik aku balik kat rumah ustaz dia kat Kelantan. Ayah baru je drive dari Muar hari sebelumnya...mesti tak hilang penat lagi dan semestinya Ummi yang amik alih drive...Ummi, terima kasih sebab melahiran bayi ini 22 tahun yang lalu. Hari lahir kita ini bukan untuk kita menunggu ibu meluahkan atau mengucapkan tahniah serta memberi hadiah kepada kita tapi menjadi macam tanggungjawab kita untuk mengingati, menghargai, meraikan dan mengucapkan terima kasih atas kesusahan, pertarungan dan kesakitan yang ibu kita alami pada waktu melahirkan kita...jika ibu kita berputus asa, adakah kita di dunia ini pada hari ini? akan membesar sihatkah kita? Fikir2 dan renung2kan la kawan2...

Malam sebelum birthday aku tue ada la pertunjukan bunga api oleh jiran2 depan rumah nenek aku. Terasa cam tengok bunga api time merdeka pulak. Pertunjukan dalam beberapa minit tue mesti membazir banyak duit. Bukan murah bunga api yang dia orang guna tue. Bukan mercun das biasa. Memang indah berwarna-warna la kejap gelap malam tue. Aku tumpang gembira tengok bunga api tue...bukan selalu kn? hehhe...Walaupun tanpa apa2 sambutan yang dirancang pada siangnya, ini boleh kira sambut birthday aku jugak ar kan? - sje nak menghilangkan rasa sedih sebab berada jauh dari Ummi dan keluarga ketika itu. Memang hari itu berlalu seperti hari2 yang lainnya...Malam penutupnya, kesedihan melanda...hanya kerana dia...Tapi......bukan salahnya....hanya kerana ada perkara yang mengganggu...maaf kerana aku yang kurang memahami, kita bermasam muka lagi....

Maafkan aku eh

Diari Raya 2009

Yea..yea..esok raya...tue la ayat yang amat menggembirakan hatiku waktu kanak-kanak dulu...sekarang ni pun gembira jugak tapi dengan erti kata yang lebih mendalam... Malam raya tue, still aku buat cornflakes madu...6 adunan plak tue...jenuh nak masukkan dalam sarung kecik2...tapi, itu satu kepuasan buat aku. Bukan selalu Ummi nak kasi aku masak...Mungkin sebab Ummi dah sedar anaknya ni dah jadi anak dara dan layak pun berkahwin, Ummi bagi masak. Tue pun kuih simple sesangat la. Tapi tahun depan Ummi suruh buat banyak kuih lagi sebab kuih cornflakes madu yang aku buat tue sedap katanya dan adik2 aku suke makan. Aiiii, nampaknya tahun depan dah ada kerja la untuk aku...tapi xper, lambat lagi tue...hehe

Keesokkannya, lepas solat raya, kami sekeluarga makan kat rumah terbuka Haji Hadi. Pastu, balik rumah kejap...salam2, mintak maaf kat Ayah & Ummi. Pastu, terus pergi rumah Tok...raya dengan pakcik2, makcik2 dan sepupu2 aku. Sebelum pergi rumah nenek2 sedara yang bersebelahan rumah Tok. Tahun ni, sempat pergi satu je rumah sedara ayah yang lain sebab balik rumah awal untuk siapkan makanan pakcik2 & makcik2 serta sepupu2 ku datang. Yerla, tahun ini PakNgah & PakTeh aku beraya kat Terengganu. Makcik2 aku yang lain plak kata dah lama tak makan makanan Ummi aku masak. Dah beberapa tahun kot keluarga aku tak buat rumah terbuka sebab sekarang ni selalu je balik ke Muar raya kedua. Nak buat raya pertama memang tak sesuai la sebab masa ini masa untuk jalan ke rumah sedara mara yang memang jarang jumpa. Tambahan plak, orang Terengganu ni tak beraya dah bila raya ke-3, ke-4, kecuali rumah sedara mara terdekat. Untuk makan2 tue, Ummi masak ikan bakar...hurm, alhamdulillah, semua kenyang dan berpuas hati. Yang kanak2 ni plak dapat makan ais-krim. Memang diaorang enjoy la. Habis makan je, main kejar2 plak...memang riuh la ada budak2 kecik ni.

Raya kedua bermula dengan sarapan pagi kat rumah terbuka makcik aku, CikMa. Ini memang rumah terbuka yang wajib pergi hari raya ke-2. Lepas je beraya & sarapan kat situ, aku sekeluarga pun bertolak pulang ke Muar. Alhamdulillah, perjalanan kami baik aje dan kami selamat sampai walaupun tersangkut dalam kesesakan lalu lintas hampir 2 jam semasa di bandar Tangkak yang padat itu...hehe. Malamnya memang tak pergi beraya ke mana-mana sebab Ayah sangat mengantuk.

Raya kat Muar ni, memang takkan beraya siang hari ke rumah sedara mara. Kalau beraya pun, budak2 kecik tue ha yang pergi beraya dari rumah ke rumah. Sekarang ini aku rasa budak2 pun dah kurang pergi beraya dari rumah ke rumah. Klu kecik2 dulu, memang rutin aku dan sepupu2 ku.. Pastu, mesti boleh nampak beberapa kumpulan budak2 kecil yang comel, beraya sakan dari rumah ke rumah. Aku suke orang kampung...beraya kat rumah diaorang mesti diaorang kenal atuk & nenek aku. Ada jugak memang kenal Ummi aku...Tiap kali beraya, soklan yang mesti ditanya, "Anak dari mana?""Cucu/Anak sape ni?"...Gembiranya ada jiran2 cam tue kan? Amik tahu pasal jiran sekampung. Sebab dah segan nak beraya dari rumah ke rumah, aku duduk kat rumah je la pagi raya ke-3 tue. Tengah harinya pergi shopping sket dengan Ayah & Ummi. Ingat nak shopping barang2 aku kat kolej skali...tapi bila memikirkan yang aku akan balik naik bus dan tren, malas la plak nak bawa beg berat2...lantas, terbatal la niat ku tadi. Petangnye aku dan keluarga ke rumah mak tiri atuk aku...kiranya moyang aku la. Ummi la nak pergi sebab nanti raya ke-5 anak Tok Su aku kawin. Rasanya, tue la pertama kali aku jumpa moyang aku tue. Memang la pernah dengar rumah Ummi cakap rumah tok seberang sungai tapi, tak pernah aku sampai ke rumah tue rasanya. Moyang tue pun cakap dah la Ummi tak datang. Siap kata muka aku macam muke arwah suami dia. Ummi pun tak tahu tang mana la muka aku sama dengan arwah moyang tue. Nak compare dengan gambar, takde. Dah2 nye, aku tersengih je kat situ...tak tahu nak cakap apa....huhu. Malamnya, aku sekeluarga beraya ke rumah nenek2 sedara belah nenek. Tue pun sempat pergi rumah Makcik Jamaliah, rumah pakcik Hatta and rumah Tok De je. Malam tue cam melawat orang sakit jugak la....pergi rumah pakcik Hatta sebab nak tengok Tok Long, dia deman. Tok De pun demam jugak, tapi dia bangun kejap jumpa Ayah aku masa kami datang. Setahun sekali datang, memang la jumpa sekejap. Lagi pun, memang Ummi aku baik dengan keluarga Tok De. Rasanya, sejak kecik lagi, bila balik Muar, rumah Tok De ni mesti kami pergi melawat. Betapa rapatnya dengan keluarga ini. Tapi, anak2nya tak rapat sangat pun...hehe. Sebelum ke rumah Tok De, sempat jugak singgah rumah makcik aku, Mak Liza yang buat makan2 untuk family. Masa kami sampai, dah takde orang pun kat rumah dia...tapi sebagai tanda penghargaan dan sempena raya, kami masuk dan makan sedikit makanan ang disediakan. Malam tue, kami beraya sampai pukul 12 malam.

Raya ke-4...Ayah, Ummi & adik2ku pulang semula ke Terengganu. Adik aku yang belajar kat MMU Melaka pun balik jugak ke Melaka sebab nak prepare untuk exam katanya. Tinggal la aku kat Muar menghabiskan sisa2 cuti raya dan menunggu malam untuk pergi beraya. Malamnye, aku ikut pakcik2 dan atuk aku beraya ke rumah nenek sedara belah nenek aku. Pastu pergi rumah anak Tok Long aku kejap sebelum balik tidur.

Raya ke-5...pepagi macam biasa la menunggu giliran bilik air. Pastu semua bersiap nak pergi kenduri kawin anak Tok Su aku tue. Pastu menunggu sepupu dan pakcik aku pergi ambil laptop yang dibaikinya tue. Tunggu punye tunggu, last2 bertolak dulu. Ye la, dah dekat pukul 12 pun. Penat la nak tunggu lama2. Kenduri nie tak tahu la aku nak kata simple ke tak sebab dah memang adat dan kebiasaan orang Johor bila masa kenduri, mesti ada kumpulan penyanyi atau kugiran, pastu ada pelamin dan tepung tawar. Kat kampung2 plak mesti masak secara gotong-royong dan ada kumpulan yang uruskan tetamu. Aku pun suke masuk dalam kumpulan tue sebab nanti dapat bunga duit yang digubah untuk dipakai....tapi tue dulu je la kot...hehe. Petangnya, serasa aku duduk kat rumah je kot. Malamnya pergi beraya.

Raya ke-6...kesedihan bertambah. Semalam sepupu aku yang tinggal kat Pagoh balik. Hari nie, sepupu2 aku yang tinggal kat Perak pun bertolak balik jugak. Pak Ngah aku dan keluarga dia pun ikut pergi Perak jugak sebab esoknya mereka nak pergi majlis pertunangan anak kawan mereka. Maka, tinggallah aku dengan sepupu2 aku yang kecik2, anak Cik Wa aku dan anak angkat Pak Teh aku. Malamnya kami pergi beraya ke rumah mak mertua Mak Andak aku kat Bukit Serampang. Aku tak tau la plak malam tue nak pergi sana. Patut la semua orang bersiap awal. Lepas Maghrib nak bertolak. Nasib baik aku tak terlambat...

Raya ke-7...aku berkemas untuk pulang ke kolej. Bus pukul 2.35 petang dari Muar dan aku sampai ke Stadium Nasional sebelum pukul 5 petang. Kiranya, laju la kan bus tue bergerak?...atau pun sebab jalan tak sesak? Entah la...yang pasti aku selamat sampai ke destinasi yang aku tujui.

Raya ke-8...beraya kat bilik kolej ini aje...huhu. Ada jugak undangan dari Aina untuk pergi ke rumah terbukanya di Gombak...tapi tak dapat la nak pergi sebab takde kenderaan. Lagipun, aku sorang je kat bilik ni. Housemate aku semua tak balik lagi. Agak petang sikit baru Asilah sampai...last2, El ajak ke Tesco. Pergi la kejap untuk beli sabun, kertas A4 dan buku2 nota untuk sem yang baru hari ini.

Begitulah diari raya 2009 aku. Raya selama 8 hari tahun ini. Kira banyak la tue. Harap tahun2 hadapan pun dapat cuti raya 'Idulfitri lama2...

Tamatlah Sudah Yr 4 Sem 1 Ku

Alhamdulillah...tamat sudah exam final sem 1. Syukur kerana exam sebelum raya. Kalau x, hurmmm....tau2 je la. Buku mesti tersimpan kemas je dalam beg bila balik rumah. Bawa balik buku pun hanya untuk sedapkan hati dan baca pun 10 minit je kot boleh tahan. Pastu mesti tertido. Sejak tinggal kat asrama, aku macam dah mind set, balik rumah - cuti, rehat. Mungkin sebab tue kot xbersemangat study kat rumah.

Exam...ntah la. xterkata rasanya. Bukan susah pun tapi mungkin sebab x banyak baca dan sedia betul2 rasa cam susah. Yang pasti aku berserah walau macam mana keputusan exam ku nanti. Aku dah buat yang terbaik dapat ku lakukan. Study pun banyak last minit jer. Itu pun cam x bersemangat sangat. xtau kenapa dengan diriku tahun ini. Study week dah start pun, xbersemangat sangat.

4/5 hari sebelum exam tue bru la ada semangat nak study. So, mana la sempat nak cover semua. Tapi, aku pastikan jugak semuanya sempat ku sentuh walaupun hanya tajuk dan pengenalannya. Ini padahnya study lambat2...tapi itu jugak yang terjadi setiap sem. xboleh nak buat apa2 dah...hehe. Namun, sem depan kena belajar dari awal. Tengok housemate ku yang slalu study group and stay up pun macam xsempat nak habiskan semuanya. Aku xnak fail klinikal year. Nti lambat habis belajar, nti.....

Sem ini aku posting paediatrik and orthopaedik. Paediatrik....arghhh, aku dah x minat pulak paediatrik ini walaupun aku suke budak2. xtau kenapa, aku rasa stress sesangat time posting ini. Mungkin sebab kena pergi HKL dan jadual dia yang padat...hurm bukan padat sangat...it's rather....erk, apa ye perkataan yang sesuai? hurmmm....xbebas kot...sebab memang xde kebebasan nak pergi mana2 pun. Study pun jadi cam sambil lalu jer. xserius sebab memang dah hilang minat. Masa mula2 tau start dengan posting paed, seronok sangat. Yea ar, fikir dapat main dengan budak2. Tapi ia x seperti yang aku jangkakan. Mungkin sebab tue jadi xsuke. Mungkin aku xpatut expect tinggi untuk posting akan datang sebab nanti kalau x jadi seperti yang aku expect, hilang minat aku nanti. Orthopaedik...hurm, dapat plak primary team paed ortho. Mula2 xminat la sebab dah frust dengan paed kan. Tp Alhamdulillah, slowly datang minat dan semangat nak belajar ortho. Tambahan doktor2 yang memang suke mengajar, lagi la suka nak menyibuk kat klinik2 tue. Walaupun hari2 ada klinik memang xkisah kot. Yeke? hehhe... Tapi ortho ini, hari2 kena ikut ward round..ward round pulak awal pagi kot...aish, memang malas sket ar nak pegi sebelum pukul 8. Nway ortho memang best ar bagi aku. Cuma time posting ortho ini aku selalu je sakit kepala. Tension headache aku makin teruk ker?? Seingat aku setahun dua ini, dah jarang sakit kepala. Tapi kenapa time ortho tue selalu pulak?....memang dugaan ar. Siap kena deman teruk lagi. Housemate aku takut aku kena denggi tapi aku xpegi jupe doktor. xtau la kenapa. Yang pasti xde la rash, sakit belakang mata dan lain2 tanda denggi. Dehydrated tue, memang ar. Dah makan pun sesuap dua jer sehari. Memang membazir giler beli makanan time tue. Nway, thanks to semua housemate ku yang concern dan tolong belikan makanan dan bagi panadol. Trima kasih korang...Sayang korang

Puasa...Raya...

Memang lama benar x update blog ni. Ada jugak rasa nak update tapi malas nak menaip...ishh, apasal la malas ni mesti ada dalam kamus idupku....*sigh* aishhh, mengeluh plak, dengar dek Ummi nti, msti kena tegur...hehe

Tahun ni tahun yang paling teruk bagiku rasanya...bukan salah sesiapa tapi diriku sendiri...ntah kenapa tahun ni sangat x bersemangat dan malas. Terasa tahun ini diriku seperti semakin menjauh dari penciptaku. Mungkin ada beberapa sebab berlaku camtu...harap Ramadhan ini dapat menambahkan kecintaanku padaNya. Tapi rasanya Ramadhan ini bukan lebih baik dari Ramadhan yang lepas. Ramadhan ini tersa kurang terisi compare dengan tahun lepas. Ramadhan pun bakal menutup tirainya tak lama je lagi. Camne ni??? Apa yang aku buat sepanjang Ramadhan ni? Oh, sedihnya bila reflect balik diriku ini. :-( Sometimes terasa loss. Bulan Rejab dan Syaaban tahun ini pun sangat2 teruk dari tahun lepas punye. Apa terjadi pada diriku ini??? Kepada siapa aku nak meluahkan rasa diri ini teruk...tapi cukup ker sekadar meluahkan rasa sedangkan diriku sendiri yang perlu sedar dan bangkit dari rasa loss and hopeless tue. Yup, only I can change myself. Baik buruknya sikapku, perangaiku, hanya aku yang boleh merubahnya. Aku bukan budak kecik lagi yang hanya mengikut apa yang dikata. Walaupun nasihat dan teguran adalah untuk ke arah kebaikan, namun hanya aku sendiri yang menentukan untuk mengikutnya atau tidak. Sungguh, memang sukar benar untuk berubah ke arah kebaikan dengan segala hasutan dan hati yang tidak tenang dan bersih. Tapi ia bukan suatu yang mustahil. Cuma, bilakah masa itu akan tiba??? :-(

Raya...tahun ini raya memang sangat simple la. Rumah memang xde apa2. Xde berkemas apa2. Dh memang xde kat rumah kot raya ni walaupun raya pertama kat Terengganu coz kuar je rumah solat raya terus pegi umah tok. Pastu konvoi pegi umah sedara mara yang setahun sekali kot pegi. Dah la ramai kaum kerabat tok dan to'ki. Aku pun xkenal sape. Bukan aku teruk, tapi dah memang setahun sekali pegi, mana la nak kenal. Tapi tau jgk la mana letak rumah diaorang...hehe. Raya kedua pulak, terus balik Muar. Tahun ini memang berjimat habis ar. Duit banyak habis hari tue sebab cermin kete kena pecah, pstu renovate atap rumah sket. Tapi xkisah la, janji cuti. Aku dapat rehat2, jalan2 rumah sedara, dapat duit raya dan balik kampung. Yeah (^_^)/`

4th Year Posting

Alhamdulillah...I manage to start my 4th year with new spirit and it have been a week now. Now, I knew that 4th year gonna be very busy year with the packed schedule for each posting...

I started my 4th year with Paediatric posting. Then Orthopedic posting. For 2nd sem, I gonna start with Psichiatric posting and will end my 4th year posting with Triad posting (ENT, Opthalmology, Anaesthesiology). Throught the year, I'll also have PPD (Personal & Professional Development), SSM (Special Study Module) and Forensic posting.

I hope that I'm able to cope in all those posting. Nway, being medical student...doesn't easy. Books...Study group...Lecturers...Patients...Clinics...Wards... are important...Don't be lazy and be nice to people arounds you (^_^)/

Kecewa atau Sedih?? (~,~)

Kecewakah aku?

Patutkah aku rasa kecewa?

Arrghhhh..aku pun tak tau nak bagitau apa yang aku rasa...

Rasa kecewa, rasa sedih dan geram pun ada...

Namun apakan daya,

terpaksa jugak la aku balik ke kolej sorang-sorang nanti.

Siang plak tue. Sah-sah la ku tido awal bila sampai nanti sebab kepeningan...

30 hb nie aku akan balik ke kolej semula.

Ada lg 3 hari cuti sebelum sem baru bermula...

Itu pun dah banyak ayah dengan ummiku membebel sebab balik awal...

Kalaulah mereka tahu aku balik sorang-sorang, lagi-lagi la mereka akan bising.

Maafkan Kak Ngah ayah, ummi...

Bukan tak nak bagitau, tapi tak nak ayah dan ummi risau...

InsyaAllah Kak Ngah akan jaga diri baik-baik...

Kalau tahu awal kawanku itu nak balik dengan abangnya,

tentu aku beli tiket bas malam 1/2 mei.

Tapi...nak buat macam mana...

Dia dah pun berada di Kuala Lumpur sekarang.

Alhamdulillah, dia dan abangnya selamat sampai.

Harap perjalanan pulangku ke kolej nanti akan selamat juga...

Owh, Liyana...

Stop feeling that way...

Everything happen for a good reason...

Believe in yourself and Allah's will.

He will protect you when no others can...

Doalah padaNya dan mengadulah padaNya...

\('_')/\(~,~)/\(^_^)/

1st Year of Clinical Years

Don't know how to start writing...

There are so many thing i wanna share n write.

I wanna write about the 1st yr of clinical year, the elective posting, my holiday and my family....

-------1st Year of Clinical Years-------

I started my clinical year with Medical Posting. It is not easy but not too difficult. Just that, there are so many things to read. But I enjoy going to ward as I already been thought on how to examine medical patient...how to examine respiratory, cardiovascular, abdominal and nervous system. It also because there are seniors that being posting there at the same time. I learned a lot from the seniors. Neither boys or girls, Malay, Chinese, Indian or Sabahan, they are all very nice and helpful. They enjoy to share their knowledge. I learned how to examine rheumatoid problem and diabetic foot ulcer from them. They also show me how to read the CT scan of thorax but I didn't manage to catch it up very well. Anyway, Medical Posting is very enjoyable to me. And about the theory part, I admitted that I cannot finished it if I'm studying alone. So, thanks to my study group members...Aina, Izzati Rani and Zalikha..that help me a lot with the theory part. It's really help me. I even didn't need to read that much during the study week. I just answered a few questions during the study week.

JKM or Medicine and Society Posting was my 2nd posting. For that, we're staying at Tanjung Karang. It also was an enjoyable posting but the enjoyable part more towards the activities we had there. The relationship between each members in a group sgt rapat. We always enjoying our time there. We went to eat 'ikan bakar', KFC and durians. It was really memorable time. Owh, how enjoying is life having friends around. Not to forget the sporting drivers that always ready to drive us to our destination. Now, about the lectures...ermmm, how to say...should i say it's quite boring? Indeed, certain lectures are boring. I knew there were valuable knowledge but...I rather choose practical parts. Going for fogging, aedes survey, water sampling and know more about the health care system involving various department in a hospital. Not only between the members of the group, the relationship between the members of our group posting also tighten there. We really had fun and enjoy our posting there.

3rd posting...the Obstetric and Gynaecology Posting. About this posting...i must say that this was the most tiring posting. Tired to wait for patient going labour and the most frustrated was tired for waiting for patient to enter the labour room. However, it was really wonderful and exciting to conduct the labour...holding the newborn baby. Oh, how I wish I have a kid too. But I do not wanna to deliver...afraid to as seeing how hard and painful to deliver a child. I still remebered the 1st time I watched the delivery process. The tears are not shame to falling down the cheek. At that time, the thought about my mom wandered my head...how she had bare the pain to delivered us? how was when I'm delivered? It's difficult? did I become good girl to her after all she had done to me? Owh, how I missed my mom at that time. I'm really appreciate all the things she had done..but what have I did for her? It's enough just to be a good girl to her? This posting makes me loving my mom more and more. This posting also new to me. The abdominal examination for pregnant women is different from abdominal examination in medical and for gynaecology case, there are a few steps added to the abdominal examination which also included the pelvic and bimanual examination. This posting is the posting where many of us being scolded by the lecturer and not forget the midwives. But, it's nothing to me even it's hurt...it just temporary. They just wanted us to be more careful in order to be a better doctor.

My last posting is Surgery Posting. Many said that this posting is the most relax posting and easy posting. The diseases that need to be cover not as much as medical and some are overlap with the medical problems. However, I'm still need to have study group. I do not want to be like the O&G posting...lost. My study group during Medical Posting had separated. Luckily, there's a group that allowed me to join them. I really did not do much physical examination during this posting. I even did not excel in inguinal hernia examination even it was the most commonest surgical problems. Besides that, thyroid, breast, vascular and ulcer examination is also important and common in surgical wards. For surgery posting, the best place to learn is during clinic hours with different speciality everyday. All surgeon are nice and ready to teach us anything they knew. Just approch them if you want to know something. But, I seldom approch them...hehe.

-------Elective Posting-------

My elective posting was at Pusat Pemulihan Dalam Komuniti (PDK) Seri Malindo, Masjid Tanah, Melaka. Ilani, Ely and Azila are my group members but Ely unable to attend it as she need to repeat posting. Azila and I staying at Ilani house at Sempang Ampat during the posting. It was my 1st time I went to a PDK and 1st time I knew about what the place is all about. There, I get to know people that having Down's Syndrome, Autism, Learning Difficulties and also Cerebral Palsy. I'm really gratefull to be born healthy and lead a normal life. At the PDK, I learned to be patient...especially when taught them. Half of them are above 15 years old. But, their thinking are just like primary school student. At the PDK, the learned how to do housework such as sweeping the floor and cleaning the table after eating. They also learned how to used toilet and how to dress all by themself. Works that look very very simple for us are hard for them to do. They learned alphabets, numbers and colours like kindergarten kids. They hardly remember it. So, the teachers there really need to be patient to teach them. everyday. For kids with cerebral palsy...they will have physiotherapy. They were in pain when doing the physiotherapy. Some cried and mostly restlessness after finished the physiotherapy. It really sympathy to look at them...really thin muscle bulk and the bones are really obvious to the eye. I'm afraid to hold them because I'm afraid to broke their bone and causing them in pain. How I wish to have normal child. However, I'm really impressed with the mother there. They really care for their child and involve with their activities. Sometimes the mothers cooked for their lunch. Owh, betapa besarnya jasa ibu2 tersebut. "Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu"

I think...it is enough for this time. I'm tired already. I wanna ZzzzZzzzzZZzzzzzz....

Result...

Semalam baru saja aku mengetahui tentang keputusan peperiksaanku. Memang ku sedia maklum yang keputusan peperiksaan akan keluar semalam, namun aku macam xsanggup untuk mengetahuinya. Namun, atas desakan Azila yang mahu mengetahui keputusannya, terpaksalah aku menghantar message kepada Fadhli. Bila dapat aje message dari Fadhli, hatiku berdebar-debar untuk membacanya. Aku takut sekiranya aku gagal. Namun, Alhamdulillah...aku, Azila dan Ilani lulus dalam semua pepriksaan kami. Aku bersyukur kerana Tuhan mempermudahkan perjalanan pembelajaranku. Terima kasih aku ucapkan pada Fadli kerana menolong aku melihat keputusan peperiksaan itu. Tak lupa juga ucapan Tahniah kepada rakan-rakan yang berjaya dalam peperiksaan yang dihadapi. Bagi rakan-rakan yang ada terkandas, jangan putus asa. Kami sentiasa doakan kejayaan anda semua. Usahalah rakan-rakan semua. Kami ingin bersama anda semua di tahun 4 sesi 2009/2010.

Happy

Last Saturday, 7 March 2009 was a memorable day for me.

Firstly, in the afternoon…I went to my friend’s wedding. Ah, one by one of my friends getting married. I wonder when is my time?…huhuhu. I knew her wedding from my mother. We haven’t contact each other for quite a long time. I knew she engaged last year but didn’t expect her to get married this year. May be she doesn’t wanted to delay the good thing. (^_^) I’m happy for her wed and hoped she lived happily ever after likes the story tale. On that day, I also met my friends that I haven’t seen for years, Adibah. Adibah had just finished her study but didn’t get any job yet and she’s currently works as replacement teacher at my youngest sister’s (‘Alyaa) kindergarten. That’s why my sis told that her teacher is here. I also met my friend, Nusaibah. I think the last time we met each other was during Solat ‘Idulfitri last year. But we didn’t manage to talk much as my family hurrying to go my grandfather’s house. Wedding party…could be say as a time to see long lost friends. Be in touch again with friends and some people get to know new people in wedding party. So, to all my friends…hope you enjoy every wedding party, and don’t forget to pray for the grooms and their family.

After that my parents send me to buy the tickets to Muar. I took quite sometime to search for the ticket and finally I ended up buying the tickets straight to Melaka tonight as the earlierst tickets to Muar available at that time is on 11 March which is the 1st day I’ll start my Humanitarian Elective Posting (HEP). Furthermore, it’s not much bus companies offer the ticket to the south of Peninsular Malaysia. So, tonight I’ll travel again. Be away from my family and home again. It’s quite sad as I just been home just for 6 days. I hope to spend more time at home. I missed my mother’s cooking. I haven’t eaten the ‘Lontong’ and ‘Nasi Dagang’ she’s cook. Hope I can spend more time after the HEP.

After bought the tickets, I visited my grandparents. I always visited them each time I’m home. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I sleepover at their home. I remembered spending most of my weekend with my grandparents. During the ‘Ramadan’, I love helping my grandma making ‘Putu Mayam’ and of course I love eating them while they’re still hot. At that time, I was really closed to my grandparents and 2 youngest aunties. But now, we’re not as closed as the old days. May be because of time I spend with them become less and less and they have more and more grandchildren, nieces and nephews. In addition, my aunt had married and had her own family. However, during the ‘Idulfitri or holidays, we gather at my grandparents or my aunt house. We get together again and strengten the relationship. We hoped we still have time to gather again next time.

Late evening, we went to the beach. Only my father, 2 brothers and 2 sisters followed the trip. My mother is tired as she had just finished some meeting. My father sends us to the beach first then he went to the barber to cut his hair. While he’s away, I was meant to look after my brothers and sister. ‘Alyaa got ‘pelampung’ and the other sister had live jacket with her. She was afraid with deep water. My 2 brothers can swim quite well. There are not many people at the beach that day and we are free to swims. ‘Ombak masa tue pun x tinggi & air pun x pasang’. So, xde la nk kna tgk2 sgt. Tp ada satu masa tue, ‘Alyaa punye pelampug terbalik & sy x perasan. Bahaya jugak la. Padahal, kami xde la jauh pun, hanya setapak dua je. Ms tue, Syarin yg tolong ’Alyaa sbb dia pun ada kt c2. ’Alyaa said, ”Kak Ngah xnmpak pun ’Alyaa jatuh. Alyaa blop blop blop dlm air.” I just smiled. Then she added, “Kak Ngah xnmpk ke ’Alyaa, kn ‘Alyaa pakai bju warna pink.” Nway, nothing happened that after that and I’m really thankful for the safety and happiness. And ‘Alyaa also doesn’t seem to be traumatized by the incident as she told the story again to my father and mother. Hope we’ll have family picnic again when everyone is home.

I'm Home

It’s so nice to be home again… But, now is not the school’s holidays yet. So, it seems that I’m being home alone in the morning [no friends] because all may brothers and sisters went to school. Then, in the evening they have their homework done and play outside. Owh! How I wish that my holidays is at the same time as other universities and other courses’ holidays. I miss my best friends, Syamimi. Seems that it have been years since we last meet and hanging out together. I can’t go out by myself, my license had expired and I forgot to renew it today. Now, I need to wait another 2 days before the office open again. Aghh, what I’m gonna do??? What I wanna play with my little sisters??? I hope we can go to the seaside today or tomorrow. I missed the smells of the seawater and missed to swimming at beach. And most importantly, I missed to have picnic with my family…I remembered the years of my childhood. Every weekend, my family and I would go to the beach and having fun there. Remembered, how my father and mother tried to teach me and my brother how to swim but till now, still not expert…hehehe. I remembered how I almost had drown if my father wasn’t around me at that time and I got some sort of traumatized to swim at deep water. But, I still love to play with water, whether it is a seawater, waterfall or rain. Talking of rain, I don’t remember when was the last time I plays in rain. Ermm, may be in secondary school. Whenever I wanna plays in rain, the old’s says always come to my mind ‘If you plays in rain, you’ll have fever’. So, I didn’t do it often and I don’t have friends to play with. Plus, I’m not a little kid anymore.

Whatever I’ll be, I love to be home. Home sweet home. Your own home is the best place to be. The place was you know well, stayed with your beloved family members and have lots and lots of sweets bitters memories. Sorry for not being home for almost more than 4 months especially to you ‘Alyaa. Now I’m home. We’ll have fun together. You can play whatever games to play and watch the ‘Upin & Ipin’ how many times you like. And you can sleep with me too. Tomorrow’s evening I’ll play the kite with you. I’ll play whatever you wanna play as I’ll only be home till this Sunday. Sorry for not having so much time for you sis. But, you’ll always be in my heart. And also sorry for not bringing back the stethoscope this time. And I’m not promising to buy you one. Mom told you to study if you want one. The one that you could use hear the heart sound, not the plastic one. Nway, you just still a little kid. 5 years old kid likes you will have many ambitions that were influence by your surrounding and of course the television. So, I’ll always pray for the best to you may little sis. Be whatever you wanna be as long as you’re in the right track, blessed by Allah S.W.T.
You, I Love.

Complicated Feeling

It’s been a week I didn’t enter a new n3… Today, I wanna ryte again but sorry if I used junk English (not proper spelling and grammar). Yesterday, I just finish my Objective Subjective Clinical Exam for Obstetrics and Gynaecology (O&G) or known as OSCE - though there is not a single objective question….huhuhu. Da day before, I got da theory for O&G n my first exam was Surgery theory paper. Well, it’s not 100% theory because it question based on da clinical situation n some clinical practices that we performed during da posting. There’s no wrong about da exam question coz we’re in our clinical yr. So, da question should b related n asked in a clinical situation we had been faced at ward or clinic or endoscopy room. It’s really helpful for those who really spending their time in hospital everyday during da posting.

About the exam….how should I say??? It’s not difficult. Yet, I still can’t answer it n it looks difficult to me…hurmm, may b I’m not well prepared. But questions r straight to da point n still I’m confuse. Shamed on me. And most depressing to me was yesterday OSCE…my examiner for clinical n history taking exam was among da most feared examiner… I realized da mistakes I’ve done, but…I hoped they didn’t failed me and I bet, nobody wanna fail in their exams, ryte? It just a simple clinical exam, yet I didn’t manage to do it well. Sometime, there’s a thought that cross my mind “The doctor can failed u coz you didn’t it well”. But then, I yelled out from my heart, “No…no… I don’t wanna fail”. Then comes the ‘naughty’ thought again “You deserved to fail n da doctor wasn’t wrong to fail u. U didn’t study enough, that’s y u deserve to failed”. And that’s make me depressed n sad n…hurgh, I don’t know how to describe it, but it just that I felt uncomfortable deep inside my heart.

At times like this I really hoped for His blessing, His forgiveness n His Graciousness. That’s the time I would hardly pray to him, “O’ Allah, please don’t make me fail. Please grant me Your bless n lend me Your Victory. O’ Allah, the creator of all the living things in the land and the skies above, forgive me for what have I done. Bless me, give me Your guidance n always keep me in Your path, in Islam with the ‘Iman’ in my heart, O’ Allah”. At the time these, I really felt small and guilt in front of Allah. How He always blesses me with all I have in my life today. Yet, still I’m not truly following all His commands. And still I’m asked Him to grant me more n more wishes. Oh, how ungrateful I’m. “O’ Allah, please blemish my heart from the fault I’ve done before. Only You could give the forgiveness and peace to the heart of Your lovers. And Allah, please grant all my Doa, my mom’s Doa, my dad’s Doa and not forget, my friends and teachers’ Doa”. And to myself, there something I should do n change to be better person. May b it’s not hard to change…some people think does, but there’s a few things that restrain me from change. Time over time, I’ll change to b better person. That’s my promised to myself. (^_^)

~~didn't manage to upload it earlier b4 da OSCE O&G post-mortem

10sen Times...

It’s study week now…but still, I’m wasting my time doing this…hahaha. No, no… I’m not wasting my time. I just take a few minutes to relax and release the 10sen, am I? J Study week is one of the most tension moments in my life…but, I kind of loving it. As this is the moment where I struggle, stop playing around and being a book worm. It’s not a good attitude and I knew it. I’m not a person who loves to study last minutes. But it seems that I’m study a lot during this time. May be pressure, tension is good for me. Don’t be wrong, ok? Only certain type of tension is good to me. You better don’t make me tension cause you’ll never know what I’ll do if I got tension by you. And most importantly, don’t add the tension I had and don’t make anything wrong because I’m very unstable emotionally when in stress. I’m easily hurt. I don’t care what you want to think about me…but it’s me. If you have something to say, just say it clearly so that other people, especially me, will understand. Don’t be like Shakespeare or other poets...make it clearly. I’m not good in poetry and I kind of hate it. So please, don’t make me in wondering again.

Opsss…I just write something that doesn’t suits the title. Anyway, it’s time continue reading because the final is just around the corner…

One of the Song I Love

Muslim for Life

Soldiers of Allah

Now…
If we don't change society
Then we are part of the cause
on the Day of Judgment
We are going to stand
in front of Allah
There will be no excuses
For being useless

Without Islam in our lives
Our lives are fruitless
Leaving behind
all things
taking nothing
but our deeds
On the last day it will be
too late to repent
We will be accountable

For every minute &
cent that we spent
Islamically intact
My brothers got my back
Shaitan can't attack
because were always in a pack

[chorus]
M-U-S-L-I-M
MUSLIM 4 LIFE
& WE WILL NEVER GIVE IN
WE STAND UP AND SPEAK OUT
AGAINST THOSE WHO OPPRESS
WE TAKE ISLAM &
WE TAKE NO LESS

Prophet showed us
how to be a statesman
a father, a leader
Amir of jihad
a husband, a judge
and a friend

A messenger
that Allah has send
that’s the example
that we content
He cultured
The Sahabas personalities
Built Islamic mentalities
gave them the bigger scope

to spread Islam
All over the globe
they say your too young
to change this world
to young to understand
Look at Ali (RA)
At 8 he was mature
like a man
Carrying this
message of Islam

Khalid Ibn-Waleed
Conquering land
Liberating kufar
to Islam
Abu Bakar
politically sharp
was side by side
with the Prophet
from the start

We are the youth
Let us Bring Islam Back
We did it in the past
So let us do it again

[chorus]

Carrying Islam
is like carrying a hot coal
pure pressure surrounds us
but we won’t fold
when time become tough
remember Jannah

It was difficult
even for the Sahabas
No success
without struggle
Keep our best friends Muslim
So we're always out of trouble
checking our ideas
the way we think

Based on Islam
Because Islam is our Deen
Bonded by our ideas
Islamically connected
Days of Jahillah
Alhamdulillah we left it
Islamic as a yardstick
That we measure
Only for Allah
And to gain HIS pleasure

[chorus]

Much props to my sisters
Carrying this Deen
& to my brothers
With the same mean
We will never idolize
It’s no surprise
The youth realize
Jannah is the only prize

Standing together
Kafirs worst nightmare
Muslim united
And not scared
Following only Qur'an
& and the Sunnah
an Ummah
who loves Allah
More than this dunnyah

[chorus]

Horreyyyyyyy...

Alhamdulillah….Finally, I have finish my long case although it was postponed several times today. We were luckily; Mr. Zamrin was generous enough to spend his time for assessing us today. Urmmm, I don’t have much comment on my presentation but seems that Mr. Zamrin is very concern about history taking. I just present history of presenting illness and we discuss the differential diagnosis of the patient present with melaenic stool especially in elderly male. He asked what must have in my history to exclude the causes of the melaenic stool. Overall, I think I perform quite well but I wonder how much mark that I got? Syidan present about breast cancer. Same as me, Mr. Zamrin wants to know more about history of presenting illness and possible causes of breast cancer especially about obstetric and gynaecological, in term of oestrogen exposure. He even stress to Syidan to stage the patient by history taking. He asked anatomy of bone. Lastly is about staging of breast cancer whether using Manchester or TNM staging. But for our level, he told us to concentrate on TNM staging.

Whatever happen or how much marks that I get, i don’t really border right now. I’m happy because I have finished my long case. And now, I want to concentrate on my second case write up. (^_^)

Long Case...Case Write Up...Final Exam...

After a day of gloom and sadness, now it’s a time for me to be energetic and fill with high spirit again. My long case with Mr. Zamrin will be next day. My long case patient for the cancelled long case had been discharge. So, I must find new patient for my long case. Ermmm, what case I want to present as my long case??? I don’t want a complicated one neither a very simple one. I want a just nice case with simple presenting illness that can have various differential diagnoses. I don’t want case about breast or thyroid...because, for sure it is problem about breast and thyroid. Hepatobiliary or GIT case would be nice. It’s not a specific to an organ. Thus, I can have more discussion. I hope there will be interesting case at the ward tomorrow and that patient would not be discharge tomorrow.

I’m in dilemma for continuing my second case write. I just know that my friend who is also under Mr. Zamrin supervision write about the same case as I, the same patient. Will Mr. Zamrin allow we do the same case? It should be ok right because our discussion would be difference. But the rumours, ‘doctor doesn’t want the same case and doesn’t want case write up about acute case’…that makes me thinks again of continuing my writing. But then, I must find another case tomorrow as by the end of this week I must pass up the case write up. So tomorrow, I must find 2 cases, one for long case and 1 for my second case write up.

Lastly, the most important upcoming event is Final Exam. Am I ready for it??? Of course I’m not ready yet at this moment of time. But I will be ready for it...InsyaAllah. I got 2 more weeks to revise the O&G posting and Surgery posting. It should be enough. Hope the Almighty will make my daily life and learning easier. I want to be in fourth year next semester with all my friends. So friends…Lets do our best together and always pray for our success in every prayer and ‘doa’ we did.

NEWS NIPPON
By NewS

To north! To east! Go west ! Go south!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, it’s big news!

Fly away! Far away! Spread your wings
Go ahead! Do your best! Grab the rainbow
Raise your hand to the sky and spread your fingers
In a peace sign, make dazzling news!

When you’re sad just remember
Everyone has the sun in their heart
Don’t be sad alone
A gentle light is watching over you
You’re not alone, I’m right nearby
Cheer up, have courage, and start running

Fly away! Far away! Look up to the sky
Go ahead! Do your best! And wish on a star
Feel the strength to live in your heart
Peace sign, tell the world the news!

News!
Make a miracle! Start moving with your dreams
News!
Love and courage! Face the world and tell them
We can do it!

Fly away! Far away! Spread your wings
Go ahead! Do your best! Grab the rainbow
Raise your hand to the sky and spread your fingers
In a peace sign, aim for victory

Raise your hand to the sky and spread your fingers
In a peace sign, make dazzling news!

I won’t let anyone beat me
With courage in my heart, I’ll send you the news

News - Nippon - News